Being Okay With The Unknown: Nightmares From The Chair

Many of you may know me from my first blog series, 365 days living in the moment. In the series I posted something every single day for a year. A lot of those posts had to do with the idea of being president in a moment and not letting the simple moments pass by, instead acknowledging them. I believe Life is in the little moments that people often dismiss.

What I didn’t talk about as much through that series is the fear of the unknown. Why because anxiety live in the future, depression lives in the past, and as I sit here I live in the present. I have had to keep reminding myself of that lately. My anxiety has been really high. Especially around work. All I want is a permanent position. Then as I talk to friends of mine and think about it I realize “permanent” is not what it used to be. And if I keep worrying about something in the future I have very little control over not only am I going to miss out on the present, but I’m going to shoot myself in the foot trying so hard to get permanent that I let my mental health go by the wayside.

So right now I’m practising being OK with not knowing, and being OK with not having everything laid out, being OK with literally living one day at a time. All of this is super hard for me especially because I’m a Virgo and I like everything to be planned out almost to a T. Living day today is definitely not that. But living day to day might be what I need to be me again, to remember to live in the moment, it to remember to press the pause button and to be kinder to myself, my flaws, quakes, and strengths. I’ll let you know how it goes but for now I can say a change in mindset would do me some good.