For the first time in a long time, today I feel like I can breathe. Which is weird because looking at things today I’m not exactly where I want to be. I can say though, now I feel more stable than I ever have employment wise at least. I think I’m starting to realize how much stress employment or unemployment or chronic unemployment really put on me. Not having that is such a relief. At the same time, I know this could all be taken from me in an instant. Until I passed my probation and no that I’m good some of that will always be in the back of my mind. That said, I feel like it just might be to start thinking about the long term.
Not too much though, because I know what happens when I do and I have my anxiety under control right now so I’d rather not causes it to flare up again because of something I can control. I guess when I am trying to say, is that in a weird way I am OK with being in flux and that’s weird it to acknowledge because I remember when I couldn’t do that for the life of me. No it comes so naturally I don’t even realize I’m doing it. In that sense I guess this Challenge/ experiment was a success.