First off, I don’t want this to come across as selfish in any way. I just need to express how I’m feel in this moment.
Which is very left out and miss understood. There is a reason I don’t see my family during the holidays. Contrary to popular belief, it is not because I don’t like them. Instead, it is because they don’t get me, at all. They try. I give them points for that. They do not get me though, and that is never more evident than in the Christmas season. I am not treated as an adult. Everything about me is scrutinized and accessible – doesn’t exist. Even the gifts I was given were all aimed at making me “better”. I can’t be in that environment. So for my own mental health I avoided it last year.
This year I came back, thinking it would be different after I was assured it would be. It was the same as always if not worse. I am willing the smile to stay on my face, and hoping buoyed hope that something will change while longing for my bed and cats.
I try to keep it positive but sometimes pain is unavoidable.