How do I describe today, I need a day of sleep TV watching and applying for programs so that I don’t immediately become homeless LOL. So yes some people could see you today as a complete washout and at some points I did too but after thinking about it I did have to take some strong pain meds this morning which would make sense as to why I ended up kind of loopy today and very very tired. That said, I also remember that when I finished work last week I was wanting and even looking forward to being able to take some time for myself and really heal up.
Strangely, allowing myself to do that seems to be like allowing myself to be lazy. I know this is not the truth and it will only turn out for the better in the end but the able-bodied side of my brain keeps kicking in and seemingly reminding me of everything I should or could be doing and how X Y And Z needs to be done. So, I am working on ignoring that voice, not completely but enough to allow myself to realize that it is OK to have a life and though a lot of things seem important in the moment what we really need to focus on is what is going to be important in the long run. For me, that is health, happiness, and the knowing that I am being the authentic person I want to be.
There is something to be said about lying around doing nothing but at the same time a person needs to feel like a contributing member of society so is much is I have loved my weekend off and will most likely take and tomorrow as well to rest I am ready to get back out there and I have I scheduled some running around for this week. Hopefully at least being able to get out a little bit every few days will keep me from falling into a depression and instead help me to be able to get back to myself.
It’s weird I have been saying but I wanted to take a week or two to just take a vacation of sorts and focus on myself but after two days I’m like done and wanting to get back into the world. At the same time I know that I need to change certain things about how I do it because my body needs me too and my sanity Will depend on it.
I think I need to destress that’s always been teaching for me if I can do that I can see things in a much more well rounded light which will bring me back to my authentic self. I think right now I’m stuck in the pool of what society expects of me and how people expect me to live, when I know that’s not who I really a.m. and that’s not who I want to be. I need to get out of the space, get with people who get me, and be the me I want to be.
People underestimate the power of the popsicle. For some reason the other day I had a major craving for Popsicles so I went oh and got four boxes delivered along with two bags of pepperoni sticks but the Popsicles were so good now I didn’t eat all four boxes at once but I did have two today that quite honestly were life-giving.
Why am I talking about Popsicles? I believe in giving your body what it means physically mentally and spiritually so if my body wants to sleep chat with someone and eat Popsicles all day i’m going to let it in. Because, I know balance is the key and deprivation and depression go hand-in-hand. Too much of a good thing is very possible but not enough of a good thing can make things even worse.
There are days and times in life when it is never more clear to you that you are on the right path. Today it was one of those days. As I said at lunch with a few of my colleagues I knew that as much as they like me and I’ve been we will never be on the same wavelength on a personal professional or working relationship. We are just different people and that is OK.
As I sat with them and listen to the conversation participating a little and nodding along a little I realize that while they spoke a lot about work either they have no other interest Orange we have completely different views on life. Work is not the end all be all for me, though I know it’s needed and I do you get joy out of being around people and doing a job in which I knowledgable and respected I know that work is not my entire life, it is only one aspect of it and I am I am person both with and without it. I don’t know that others can say that. That is fine but making that realization is the difference between me and other people and I don’t mind admitting it. I do not think I am better than them I just think we are different.
I saw this on Instagram a few days ago and I instantly connected with it. Especially on days like today that were really nothing special. Until I realized the special moment happened when I got home and was able to work on my site re-doing it to better represent me. I have been having some technical difficulties lately but hopefully I am back up and running as of now, don’t ask me what happened I am not sure. But I did not miss a day of posting and I realize now that even in the mist of days that are kind of blah do you can keep focussed on creating the life you want.
Sometimes you need to sleep, paint, eat pizza, and talk on the phone all night and into the early morning or longer and that’s OK. Some people may think that that is reckless or irresponsible but in my experience doing those things, not on a regular basis, is a form of self care and you can’t beat yourself up for giving your body and your soul what it needs. Think about it, people need connection – meaning people need people. People need food in order to survive, whether people want to believe it or not. A person needs to relax it’s part of your body’s natural rebuilding. And a person needs to be creative in one way or another whether it’s painting or video making or drawing or even colouring a person needs that time.
Don’t be yourself up for taking a self-care day, and if you can’t take a self-care day but you need a few hours or even 15 minutes to yourself take it and don’t worry about it think of it as an investment into your health. I guarantee you if you take a minute to get yourself together the other parts of your life will thank you. Take a minute to think yourself you deserve it and you’re worth it.
This is going to sound weird but if you know me you may find it insightful, it takes courage to be yourself, it takes courage to say screw what other people think I’m going to do it anyway, it takes courage to be different in a world where uniformity is more than the norm it is expected. I say this after struggling with being myself for 13 years. I remember being in high school and not doing things because the cool kids weren’t doing them. I remember being in the working world and thinking there was only one way to be professional. Now I know and see different. I realize that the more different I am the more quirks in my personality, The more I am willing to show my own personality the more I find more people like me. The happier I am, and the more connected to self I become.
If you are struggling with this, know that it takes time and we’ll work to get over but when you finally see that all the quotes are right, you know the ones I mean, the ones that say “your difference is your superpower” and “be you because you are the only you in the world.” Those quotes The sooner you can become version of happy you never thought existed. It may not happen overnight, if you’re like me it may be a bunch of little Apiphany‘s that begin to take shape or lead to a low during realization, or it could be something someone says to you that really makes you think. Whatever it is embrace it and thank yourself for it – this realization may be one of the most important realization you ever have end it may very well change your life. I have found happiness and you can too.
I am love this quote. Although it took me a while to get to the point of being able to ignore what other people think now that I am able to, for the most part, this quote means so much more to me. It is so true when you realize it. Be The frog.